Category Archives: Synth Pop

Hundred Waters – Xtalk

I know we’ll face naysayers aplenty. Those who say it can’t be done. You literally cannot revive this blog because it’s a waste of everyone’s time, there’s no artistic or financial incentive and most of all there’s no fucking audience. That we lack the constitution to see anything through and that all it ever was, was a desperate attempt to have some semblance of creativity in our otherwise dull and unfulfilled lives,

And to those claims I say maybe you’re right. Maybe we will just do 3 more posts and then forget about it for another year. Maybe once the initial euphoria of phony creativity has faded it’ll be back to resentment towards facebook friends who have better lives than us and satirising current events for our own amusement.

But one thing’s for sure: we won’t know till we try! So come on I urge you comrades let’s give this another go. Together we’re unbreakable, we can do anything. And that goes for the fans too, we need you on board- none of this works without you, absolutely none of it. It’s your support that keeps me from ending it all really (Not just the blog but my life). All the emails and postcards and letters I’ve received: ‘Your blog really helped me get through my parents bitter divorce’ ‘Without your excellent music taste and witty insights I’d have no reason to get up in the morning’ ‘If you don’t restart the blog within 10 days I am going to kill myself and take several people with me’. These correspondences have really helped get me through our absence and put things into perspective.

We’re back. And we’re back for good.

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POG – I’ll Stay Here (Balthazar Remix)

As Ali Akbar Khan famously said “real music is not for wealth, not for honours or even the joys of the mind… but as a path for realisation and salvation” we at Telecaster Masters were mere seeds swimming around in our respective parents paunchy sacks.

Therefore we reject this phrase as complete nonsense; real music is what makes you gyrate your pelvis onto the nearest female, gets you kicked out of a club for being sick, convinces you to take another pill and posts selfies of you having a fun time to Facebook.

That’s what real music is, rock is dead.

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DIANA / Perpetual Surrender

If you can get past the name being a clear reference to a sex position then you’re in for a banger. The dream pop ghostly vocals and three note keyboard guy are all here, but its set against a jazzy backdrop and an offbeat tempo which is sure to lead to some cunt somewhere declaring this a new genre.

To be fair to Diana a lot of these new fangled genres do sound like dirty street drugs, the ‘dream pop’, ‘grind core’, ‘new wave’,
the ‘screwball’. Its going downhill.

Mother was right. All this new music, like video-games and interracial relationships, are absolute filth

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John Maus – Streetlight

I wouldn’t advise a haircut.

All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.

Hairs are your aerials.

They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain.

This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.

 

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Mike Simonetti – Hollywood Seven

Adam Sandler is probably the best film director ever, he is primarily the reason we started this blog in the first place.

Films like Jack and Jill, Grown ups and Deuce Bigalow (he must have been a poet to come up with that(!)) are so inspiring to the many many many dumb people around the globe.

Adam Sandler we salute you, you’re living proof that man can survive without a brain you fucking schlep.

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Appaloosa – Fill the Blanks

Why are you reading this?

I can’t tell you anything.

If you’d like, consider this a intimate moment we’ve just shared.

Now fuck off I’m busy.

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Nick Leng – Opium of the Steeple

Again, a track so smooth I have involuntarily expelled the contents of my small intestine.

Peace be upon you.

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Classixx – Holding On

With a track smoother than the bit where Action Man’s knob should be, its Classixx.

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Joe Jackson – Stepping Out

A track written in the 80’s specifically for the hugely popular children’s video game GTA: Vice City.

A game which studies show is responsible for the global economic crisis of 2008, Chris Moyle’s inconceivable popularity, Hezbollah, obesity, deforestation, the shit ending of TV series Lost, all of Jimmy Savile’s minor discretions and climate change.

So be careful out there.

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