Category Archives: Electronic

Hundred Waters – Xtalk

I know we’ll face naysayers aplenty. Those who say it can’t be done. You literally cannot revive this blog because it’s a waste of everyone’s time, there’s no artistic or financial incentive and most of all there’s no fucking audience. That we lack the constitution to see anything through and that all it ever was, was a desperate attempt to have some semblance of creativity in our otherwise dull and unfulfilled lives,

And to those claims I say maybe you’re right. Maybe we will just do 3 more posts and then forget about it for another year. Maybe once the initial euphoria of phony creativity has faded it’ll be back to resentment towards facebook friends who have better lives than us and satirising current events for our own amusement.

But one thing’s for sure: we won’t know till we try! So come on I urge you comrades let’s give this another go. Together we’re unbreakable, we can do anything. And that goes for the fans too, we need you on board- none of this works without you, absolutely none of it. It’s your support that keeps me from ending it all really (Not just the blog but my life). All the emails and postcards and letters I’ve received: ‘Your blog really helped me get through my parents bitter divorce’ ‘Without your excellent music taste and witty insights I’d have no reason to get up in the morning’ ‘If you don’t restart the blog within 10 days I am going to kill myself and take several people with me’. These correspondences have really helped get me through our absence and put things into perspective.

We’re back. And we’re back for good.

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POG – I’ll Stay Here (Balthazar Remix)

As Ali Akbar Khan famously said “real music is not for wealth, not for honours or even the joys of the mind… but as a path for realisation and salvation” we at Telecaster Masters were mere seeds swimming around in our respective parents paunchy sacks.

Therefore we reject this phrase as complete nonsense; real music is what makes you gyrate your pelvis onto the nearest female, gets you kicked out of a club for being sick, convinces you to take another pill and posts selfies of you having a fun time to Facebook.

That’s what real music is, rock is dead.

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DIANA / Perpetual Surrender

If you can get past the name being a clear reference to a sex position then you’re in for a banger. The dream pop ghostly vocals and three note keyboard guy are all here, but its set against a jazzy backdrop and an offbeat tempo which is sure to lead to some cunt somewhere declaring this a new genre.

To be fair to Diana a lot of these new fangled genres do sound like dirty street drugs, the ‘dream pop’, ‘grind core’, ‘new wave’,
the ‘screwball’. Its going downhill.

Mother was right. All this new music, like video-games and interracial relationships, are absolute filth

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Brothertiger – Wind at my Back

“She is consuming fire” he told me,

“and I have been scorched – oh, so often”

I sympathised; she had urged me on in love making with a hairbrush, but with him it had been a dog-whip, and he was a frail sort of a fellow, you know.

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John Maus – Streetlight

I wouldn’t advise a haircut.

All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.

Hairs are your aerials.

They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain.

This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.

 

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James Holden – Renata

I once knew a girl called Renata.

Fucking terrifying, I tell thee.

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Phoenix – Bourgeois

You may have noticed that the YouTube description states that the poster is in no way associated with the band phoenix and that the video is for entertainment purposes only.  We however here at telecaster masters would like to inform you that we are very fucking associated with the band phoenix.

Uncomfortably so.

Not just Phoenix, but all the musicians that we have posted.  Our Magna Carta states that any music posted is purely for political and revolutionary purposes, bringing down great nations, general anarchy and such.

Just to clear things up.

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Mike Simonetti – Hollywood Seven

Adam Sandler is probably the best film director ever, he is primarily the reason we started this blog in the first place.

Films like Jack and Jill, Grown ups and Deuce Bigalow (he must have been a poet to come up with that(!)) are so inspiring to the many many many dumb people around the globe.

Adam Sandler we salute you, you’re living proof that man can survive without a brain you fucking schlep.

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Appaloosa – Fill the Blanks

Why are you reading this?

I can’t tell you anything.

If you’d like, consider this a intimate moment we’ve just shared.

Now fuck off I’m busy.

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CFCF – You Hear Colours

You’re only ever going to be as big as you see yourself.

Now fuck off you midget.

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